“The new MacBook Pros won’t be released at the iPhone 7 event…”

While I don’t remember if Macs have ever been released at an iPhone hardware event, I’d like to say, that all of these so-called ANALcysts who are calling it bad news that we won’t see a MBP release are retards. Whew. That was a long fucking sentence.

It’s an iPhone event. An iPhone 7 event. Do you want Apple to steal the iPhone 7’s thunder or do you want Apple to steal from the potentially new MBP design’s thunder?

If you believed these would both happen on the same day, you’re a fucking idiot-retard and don’t deserve a paycheck in the blogging, ANALcyst world.

That’s my new word for all you people with these jobs that come across as retarded. ANALcysts.

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Proofread your stuff or we’ll assume you’re a giant idiot. 

This guy uses words like “shabby” to describe good, new features (albeit rumored new features) and keeps referring to Intel’s “Skyline” processors instead of “Skylake.”
Daniel Flores – yet another high school failure trying to be a writer. 

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Donations. Donations. Donations.

So, if you have been enjoying what you’ve been reading so far, please consider a small donation. At this point, my preference is only in Bitcoin (the other altcoins I had been accepting just couldn’t hack it). Well, Litecoin can hack it, but having an official Bitcoin wallet makes life easier.

Any amount is ok with me. And THANK YOU!

Bitcoin address: 1DQaMxsDfMVxJEC7k1mES8A7z3wKxUBPQG

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Nintendo Still Struggling to Figure out What People Want

Miitomo Isn’t Doing Well, Nintendo Still Struggling to Figure out What People Want

Dear Nintendo,

Stop being so stupid! Stop. I grew up playing the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). It had so many great games, with new games always pushing the system to the limits (think SMB3 vs SMB1, for example). It also had really cool games with things like an 8-Bit Hitler face exploding (thank you, CapCom).

In 1992(?), I graduated to the SNES. The system was even more impressive. Great music. Great graphics. Great 3D effects (for a 16-Bit system, anyway). I started to load up my new library of games for the system.

Then, Nintendo became stupid. They decided to play babysitter to an entire generation that grew up with them. I wanted to play Mortal Kombat the way it was meant to be played (lots of blood and gore), but Nintendo still saw its main user base as a “romper room” of players. It decided “blood is bad” so, when people get hit, “sweat” flies off them. There’s a good lesson, Nintendo. Show kids that it’s ok to punch the shit out of someone because they’ll only sweat to death. Yes. This is the same company that let Hitler’s face explode once upon a time. What happened?

Not much longer after this did the new generation of consoles pop-up. PlayStation decided to not only not censor games, but went the CD route, while Nintendo insisted on cartridge based games. Because of that, the games couldn’t be quite as complex, nor could it do video. Not saying games were bad (Zelda 64, Mario 64, among two of the greatest on the N64), but they were limited to what a cartridge could do at that point. All this is the long way of saying – the kids who grew up playing NES and SNES were now adults, making money, and wanted harder-edged games. Leave the babysitting to the parents. That drove many from Nintendo to Sony (and Sega, to a lesser extent).

I’m not going to get into the history of the console wars, but Sega is a great example of knowing when to finally throw in the towel. They didn’t stop making their great games. They just stopped with their own consoles. This is the hint, Nintendo. TAKE IT!

As a grown man who makes money and supports a family, I no longer wish to own a Nintendo system. Even the name (Wii U – pronounced “Weeeeeee you”) makes me not want it. I am in the Apple ecosystem, which means I don’t mind paying for software. Make your Nintendo titles – classic and new ones – available for the iPad and Apple TV (especially the latter) and I’ll fucking buy them. I already have controllers for it. I think Super Mario Maker is one of the best games I’ve come across in a long time but, guess what, I’m not dropping $300+ for the system and one game. Make the game for the Apple TV and I’ll buy it. Make it also work with the iPad similarly to how the handheld part of the Wii U works and you’ll make money off of me (and a shit ton of other people).

Nintendo, the only reason you don’t know what people want is because you’re either not listening or stuffing cotton in your ears on purpose. You want my money? Sell me the games I want. Put them on the console I want. Or, keep asking “What do people want…. durrrrrrr?”


A kid who grew up with Nintendo, became an adult, and won’t waste money on dying concepts.

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Microsoft’s first laptop knocks out the MacBook and the iPad with one punch

Yes, I know. I’m helping Matt Weinberger out by linking to his nonsense, but I think that proper blogging means showing the source.

It always occurs to me that, when someone says Microsoft makes a better product than Apple, they are either seriously delusional or need attention on their website. I think we can safely say both here and look, here I am helping this guy on the latter.

The Surface Book starts at a hefty $1,499. It rocks Microsoft Windows 10, a 13.5-inch touch-sensitive screen, a nice keyboard with solid clicky-clack action, a Surface Pen stylus, two USB ports, an SD card slot, and the best non-Apple mouse touchpad I’ve ever tried.

Anyone who thinks a laptop that “rocks Microsoft Windows 10″ is a good thing is retarded. Oh, wait! He is! I already blogged on this fool before.

It’s got a very Apple-y sense of design. Unlike Microsoft’s Surface and Surface Pro tablet/laptop hybrids, the Surface Book is a real, honest-to-goodness laptop that can, indeed, sit in your lap.

I suspect just picking up the device without using it would put to bed any chance of Microsoft designing an Apple-y design.

This sounds obvious, but even the latest Microsoft Surface Pro 4 tablet/laptop hybrid (pictured here) is a pain in the butt to comfortably sit on your lap, since the screen doesn’t stay up by itself.

What? Microsoft made something that’s not ergonomic? Surely you jest! 😛

But there are lots of nice laptops on the market. To see what makes this so special as to justify that $1,499 price tag, just push the keyboard’s dedicated “detach” button and…

For $1499, breaking the screen is a feature. Ok, I seriously can see the appeal of this, though I’d rather have separate products. The downside is a bloated OS that needs to be everything for every device. El Cap (OS X 10.11) requires 8.8GB of space. Windows 10 requires 16GB of space. Not exactly non-bloat.

OH DANG, IT SEPARATES. That’s crazy! The machine gives you a palpable “click” and a light on the keyboard turns green when it’s safe to lift the screen, and another click when you put it back on.

Joe Dirt letting us know about his hemi computer’s cool click and green light. Wow. Physical items that make sounds with friction and force. YOU GO, MICROSOFT!!!!!!11111

Boosh. On the left is a full-fledged, surprisingly lightweight Windows 10 tablet. On the right is the detached keyboard portion. But wait, there’s more!

Wow. We separated one into two. That’s called halves.

The keyboard itself hides some secrets. First, it holds its own, dedicated battery, meaning that you get a claimed 12 hours of battery life when the two are docked together.

Wow. Does it do anything on its own besides hold a battery? Because you gave this its own section.

Second, the Surface Book keyboard actually holds a second, dedicated graphics processing unit (GPU), meaning that its graphics game goes into overdrive when the two parts are docked.

Ok, that’s cool. About damn time you said something worthy here.

But you have to pay for that privilege: The cheapest model Surface Book with the dedicated graphics chip in the keyboard is $1,899. The highest-end model, with an Intel i7 processor, 1 terabyte of storage, and the dedicated graphics unit, clocks in at $3,199.

All of a sudden, the “Mac”Daddy of Surface costs a shit ton more than a Mac, with all the pitfalls of Windows and, no doubt, shitty quality.

The model I’ve been testing has an Intel i7 processor and the dedicated graphics unit. It’s a total dream, even with lots of browser tabs open.

What is with you nerds espousing “a million open tabs?” I have a lot of browser tabs open and even more SublimeText tabs open.

It can play a pretty fair number of recent PC game releases — just note that “Quantum Break,” known for its super-intense visuals, ran at a crawl on the Surface Book, even my high-end model. It’s definitely not a machine for the hardcore gamer.

In other words, my 2013 MacBook Pro can still beat the pants off your machine in the majority of situations. Got it. Oh, and unlike your box, I can click on strange links and go to weird websites without worry of automatic install of malware.

But it makes up for that with a lot of productivity-boosting superpowers. If you dock the screen in backwards over the keyboard, it becomes a slightly thicker tablet that you can position how you like.

Pure preference. Not exactly a superpower. I mean, you can scroll on Samsung phones by waving your finger in front of the camera, but that’s not a superpower, either.

I use it in this super-tablet mode to take notes with the included Surface Pen stylus during Skype calls. Having both batteries and the extra computing horsepower helps.

This may or may not be useful. I suspect, with the added multitasking support in iPads, this could be done there as well. I’m perfectly content typing my notes while on Skype, but I’ll give this one some credit also.

The included Surface Pen stylus is the same one that comes with the Surface Pro. It feels good in the hands and lets you use the back like an eraser.

I’ve never used a stylus, except for the really old Windows CE type devices, where one was necessary to actually click on really small icons. Don’t have an opinion either way that’s fair to Apple or Microsoft.

Using the stylus and my finger to get around Windows has become second nature. Meanwhile, Apple still doesn’t put touchscreens on its MacBooks, of any stripe. It’s a little disappointing.

Does anyone remember that asshole that would point to something on your laptop or big screen TV/monitor and, to point, he’d have to touch your screen, as if that was necessary for you to understand where he was pointing to? Remember that guy? Yeah… fuck that guy. STOP TOUCHING my displays. On my computer and TV, don’t fucking touch my screen. I even find myself attempting to wipe away smears and prints on my iPad and iPhone, despite the absurdity. There is nothing disappointing about you not touching my screen. DON’T TOUCH. Oh yeah, I’m talking to ME, too.

Plus, it magnetically clips right on to the side of the screen. It keeps it handy even when you’re in a detached tablet mode.

Magnets – Microsoft Innovation. Seriously, is it strong enough to hold that stylus there or did it fall off a few blocks back while we were walking? I don’t trust that.

ou may have noticed that funky hinge. It’s strong and flexible, no matter which arrangement of the screen you have going. It also makes for a little visible gap between the screen and keyboard. No clamshells here.

Ugly hinge. Useful, I suppose, but ugly.

It runs Windows 10, Microsoft’s latest and greatest operating system. That means that even if you’re using the Surface Book as a tablet, you have full and free access to the whole wide world of Windows software, past, present, and future.


That’s an advantage that even Apple’s giant-size iPad Pro can’t match, even at a comparable screen size.

Yes, Surface’s tablet advantage is that it, too, can run the Melissa Virus. 😛

Here’s a thing, though. Generally and on balance, I didn’t find myself using it in the standalone tablet mode very often at all. It’s nice to have for when I’m taking, say, a long article with me to the couch. But I barely use my existing Android tablet as it is, and Surface Book didn’t change my behavior.

So, here you are with an OS that is bloated for all possibilities and you don’t even use it or need it, but hey, hard drive space is cheap enough that bloatware works for you.

When the Surface Book came out, there were lots of reports of Windows unreliability. Truthfully, I had some of those same hiccups, and it took me three reboots to get through the initial setup. And sometimes, it doesn’t go to sleep when I close the screen like it should.

Windows? Unreliable? Another jest…

But to its credit, Microsoft keeps pushing new updates that make the Surface Book more and more reliable with each new patch. These days, it’s a joy. Stable, reliable, the whole nine yards.

Updates every 5 seconds. Rollbacks. Patches. Malware. Antivirus. Windows Defender. Rootkits. What’s not to love?

So to sum it up: Even if the detachable tablet is a bit of a gimmick, it’s a total blast of a machine. Smooth, reliable, easy on the eyes, and with a touchscreen, to boot. If you can stomach the price tag, I recommend the Surface Book without reservation.

I recommend the Surface Book, too. If you like:

  • A BRAND NEW start menu
  • WINDOWED windows
  • Windows defendor built-in, but third party antivirus STILL required
  • Blue screens
  • Registry corruptions
  • User profile corruptions
  • Strange driver problems that prevent USB mice from working
  • A shitty trackpad
  • Bloated OS
  • People touching your screen
  • Cleaning fingers off your screen regularly

…then what the fuck are you waiting for? Get rid of your reliable, well-built Mac right away? Microsoft – Where do you want to go today? Mediocrity? Right this way, sir!

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Meghann Foye – an idiot trying to make a name for herself. 

What happens when feminism takes an even more retarded turn?  You get someone like Meghann Foye. 

Let’s be clear here. Feminism, in theory, simply wants women to have the same equal rights and opportunities as men. Nothing wrong with that mentality, but it gets distorted. 

Many young girls believe that feminism doesn’t just mean equality, but getting back at the “patriarchy.” They believe it’s their turn to do what men have always done (which is funny because women have always done it anyway; they just didn’t brag about it). 

Still, being vocal about wanting your turn to do what your “oppressors have always done” isn’t a precedent set anywhere else. Blacks don’t lynch whites or burn crosses on white people’s lawns.  Jews didn’t build gas chambers to burn up a few Germans. Yet many women believe they should have “their turn.”

If that nonsense isn’t enough to show you the folly of most feminist, well, enter Meghann Foye. This woman, who we can surmise is a feminist, thinks she deserves the same rights as pregnant women. If you read what she said on many sites, she’s only advocating for *women* to have these rights (feminazi clue number 1). 

So, here’s my solution for Meghann Foye and the many idiots like her. You want maternity-type leave?  You at least should go to the hospital, have an unnecessary c-section, recover, and have people randomly come over and leave shit in a diaper for you. Because let’s face it, despite the amount of shit you talk, it still doesn’t measure up to the amount you’d be cleaning as a new mother. 

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When a no name blogger tries to make a name…


Where to begin with this atrocity of reporting… How about the photo at the top of the page? An article about MacBook Pros sports a pic of a MacBook Air. Fail #1.

Apple may announce new MacBooks during WWDC 2016. (Photo : YouTube/HandyAndy Tech Tips)

Apple won’t announce new MacBooks during WWDC because they just announced them a week ago. Yes, the name matters. MacBook. MacBook Air. MacBook Pro. THREE DIFFERENT TYPES. Fail #2.

As for the other rumored MacBook Pro feature upgrades, reports said that there will be at least two connectivity ports unlike the sole provision seen in the new 12-inch MacBook 2016. But it remains unclear if the refreshed Pro will feature USB Type-C or USB 3.0.

Pretty sure every MacBook Pro ever has had at least 2 connectivity ports, so this statement is pointless. It’s like suggesting a MacBook Pro will have a screen. How about reporting something of substance? Fail #3.

The same Macworld report also echoed the likelihood of a MacBook Pro with touchscreen display that is detachable at the same time – obviously a design approach that intends to challenge Microsoft’s Surface Book.

The MacBooks (of all types) are not getting a detachable screen, nor touch screen. Apple already thinks Microsoft’s approach is wrong and Surface’s poor sales seem to reflect it. And where is this MacWorld report you quote? Where’s the link? Fail #4.

Lots of weird speculation in this article mixed with “I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

When trying to make a name for yourself, not only put “Apple!!!!!1” in the headline, but know what the fuck you’re talking about or someone will take you to task! 😛

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