BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The culmination of Windows shit is upon us. Last month, WannaCry was the nightmare ransomware plaguing systems. This month (today, in fact) it’s Petya (a type of ransomware attack).

Ready for the rub? Most sources are claiming that this used the SAME exact exploit for WannaCry.

Here’s where the fun begins.

  • If your retarded Windows admin didn’t patch after the WannaCry incident, fire them. Make them go work on the fry machine at McDonald’s. They’ve proven to be utterly useless computer guys. Big, fat, nerdy Windows guys who sit in big, fat, bent and dented chairs, espousing how “Windows isn’t that bad.” Fucking idiots.
  • Windows is the computer version of HIV. Literally. You buy a brand new computer and, out of the box, it has HIV. Ready for any and all opportunistic infections. Ever meet a guy who says, “Just don’t go to bad parts of the internet and you’ll be fine. I’ve never been infected!” I’ve met them. Plenty of them. Those who accept the challenge of letting me run some scans on their machine are always more infected than a hooker in the shittiest part of town. These guys have their heads so far up their ass.

You Wintards can keep laughing at how I use Mac. I’ll continue to surf the “shadier” parts of the internet, while surfing porn in a different tab, while banking in yet another tab, and I still won’t get infected. Your computer simply talks to a network and it can be infected.

Wintards. Ransomware of this magnitude is the culmination of all your bullshit, defending a shitty, insecure platform, all while pretending “No, Windows is better now.

P.S. Wintards. All of you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I mean…..
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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When t3h Haxxxx0rs don’t know shit.

‘The Most Sophisticated Mac Ransomware’ Being Sold on Dark Web

So, Jahanzaib Hassan is trying to make a name for himself by pretending that:

Macs not so safe after all

Given that it was mostly Windows that became the target of ruthless ransomware attacks, it is surprising to see that Macs have now been taken into the fold as well. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Mac users have grown in the past years.

What all these hit-whore articles miss is the main point. These kinds of malware, while dangerous, still require user intervention. In other words:

  • Windows users simply have to be breathing and their computers need to be on a network.
  • Mac users have to be naive enough to enter an admin password. That’s right. Mac users actually have to explicitly let the malware in, like inviting a vampire in. Very different from Windows, where just looking up at the blue sky gives you computer-AIDS.
  • Yes. Mac has gone up in attacks in recent years, but they all still require tricking the human.


    Someone Is Offering Mac Ransomware on the Dark Web

    Per the author, Lorenzo Franceschi-Bicchierai:

    Despite some people’s misguided beliefs—fueled in part by Apple’s marketing—there’s been plenty of Mac malware, even ransomware. But MacRansom and MacSpy show once again that bad guys are starting to target Macs more and more, even offering them as a service to others.

    No, dummy. We said there are no viruses. You know… viruses. Apps that self-install WITHOUT any human intervention to make it happen and, in turn, they then spread WITHOUT any human intervention.

    PCs still have viruses. Go ahead. Start clicking on random URLs on a PC, even with anti-virus. I’ll wait. Let’s see how quickly you get hosed.

    On a Mac, you still need to enter your administrator password. That’s right. You have to invite the vampire in. Didn’t I just say this?

    These tech whores can’t wait to say, “Hahaha, misguided Apple people. LOOK!”

    And I’ll beat the dead horse over and over. These tech-tards love interchanging virus with malware to pretend they not only know what they’re talking about, but drive traffic to their respective sites.

    You guys are tech-tards. Oh, and I archived your sites so you don’t get direct hits.

    More…

    “Apple continues to improve the security of them,” Wardle said. “But Mac users should just be cautions, should not be not be overconfident, and should not assume that just because they’re using a Mac they’re inherently safe.”

    Actually, they can be overconfident and assume they’re safe. Literally, just don’t install stuff from a shady site or install stuff you don’t know. Oh, that’s right, that phrase – “don’t install stuff” – makes ZERO sense to Windows users.

    You see, in Windows, apps are like ticks. They bury themselves deep within the OS. DLLs, registry entries, and much more. Can’t just remove the tick.

    On Mac, 90%+ apps are actually packaged files. Standalone .app files (really bundles) that are not embedded into the OS, except for preference files, which don’t DO anything. So, yeah… only the bigger apps, like Microsoft Office get installed and, if you’re not out there stealing it, you don’t need to worry about a rogue installer. Oh, yeah, that porn site you visit does not need you to update Flash. Does that help?


    Hey, if there’s proof this does auto-install and requires no human intervention, I’m all ears, but I won’t believe it until it’s proven.

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An unofficial, open letter to Apple.

Dear Tim Cook and company,

WTF? Seriously. WTF? I am unapologetically Apple. From the time I started earning my own money, I’ve purchased:

  • iMac DV SE
  • iBook 600/100
  • Numerous iPods
  • PowerBook 12″
  • Power Mac G5
  • MacBook Pro (2006)
  • MacBook Pro (2010)
  • MacBook Pro (2013)
  • Numerous iPhones
  • Numerous iPads
  • Numerous Apple TVs
  • An Apple Watch

I’ve been an Apple fan since our first Macintosh SE back in 1988, when my brother’s college required him to have one. So, I’m coming from a long history of Apple products.

So, that brings back me back to… WTF? You know, people still argue that Apple is lost without Steve Jobs at the helm. I don’t believe that. I do, however, think there’s no stern leadership saying “NO” to the stupid decisions. Jony Ive makes some beautiful products, but sometimes they suck for anything outside aesthetics. Cube, anyone?

The 2016 MBPs look very nice. The touch bar also looks cool and is mostly easy to use, from the bit of playing but, yes, I do have to agree with the crowd that these new boxes are way overpriced for what you get. Also, let’s get a physical Escape key put back. That key is used enough to not need to look up at the bar. I almost think the touch bar is a good idea, but poorly placed and implemented. It should almost be more of a trackpad thing. I’m good with the USB-C decision, but being stuck at 16GB RAM does kind of suck. Even more so (and this isn’t your fault at all), new Intel CPUs are no better than what they were 4 years ago. My MBP has an i7-4960HQ, and I’ve yet to see any serious benchmarking leaps with today’s i7-7xxx chips. This means that there’s no compelling reason to upgrade. It also means your 2013 MBP is an awesome piece of machinery! Finally, come on, now. Cheap, lightning-like cables for the power cable? Does that mean I’m going to have to replace the power cord now due to shoddy quality of the cable? I don’t trust that the power cord will be any good. Also, for close to $4k, no extension cord like we used to get? Who’s making these stupid decisions?

Adding to the MBP gripe a bit, I know someone who has had the keyboard on the new MacBooks and new MacBook Pros break. Apparently, this “butterfly” mechanism needs some perfecting. I’ve never had a laptop keyboard break. Look, there’s definitely a new MBP in my future, but not the shit that’s currently out. Get that battery better. Get that RAM up. Get that GPU up.

Mac Pro. WTF? I’m not even in the market for this (round) box, but clearly someone didn’t understand how pros work, and how they use their machines. Even I know, if I got a box like a Pro (or like my old G5), it’s because it was stupidly-easy to open and add/swap parts. I’m not even a hardware guy and that G5 was awesome. Instead, someone decided that the MP should look cool, and dark, and have lights (HP, anyone), but not be modular or expansive? Expensive, yes. Expansive, no, at least not without a million cables. And, it took you FOUR years to finally come to terms with this? Again, who is in charge and what are they doing?

iMacs and Mac minis. These just seem to be late to ship for inexplicable reasons. Ok, I can guess on the reasons. Also, stop with that “Let’s put a MacBook Air chip in the lowest iMac” shit. This is such a PC-maker move.

iOS stuff is great, except for location services. Fix that shit. If I ask for Main Street and I’m in Cherry Hill, NJ, it should find the closest Main Street in Cherry Hill and then expand outward. Instead, location services makes a horrible guess and starts in a different state (and sometimes even a different country). Who designed that god-awful algorithm? Also, iOS devices are not Mac replacements. In many scenarios, an open system, with an open file system, with an open ability to download whatever is preferable. Stop neglecting the Mac for iOS stuff. Spin up a different team, if need be.

Apple TV. You guys really keep missing the boat here. It has potential to be awesome, but I suspect the TV industry doesn’t like your negotiator. Shocker.

Apple Watch – Great device, but apps tend to suck for it. Not sure if this is due to SDK limitations, CPU limitations, or what? Hey, I want third party faces. I want someone to remake some of the watches I had growing up. Why this restriction?

Apple Pay – Awesome!

About the only news I hear regularly from Apple is its stance on transgendered bathrooms and the Apple Watch. I love my Apple watch and I don’t care who uses what bathroom. Apple – ship the f’ing products. Make them good. Tell Jony when his designs look awesome, but they suck to use. Also, it feels like Apple is catering to the “Look at all the new people to Apple with our cool iDevices” crowd, and ignoring the pros and faithful. Catering to the first crowd is ok in small doses, but ignoring the latter crowd is pushing aside the people that would have still supported Apple if they were going out of business tomorrow. NOT. SMART.

I think I’ve covered everything I wanted to rant about. Point is, as a longtime Apple fan, supporter, shareholder, etc., it feels like you’re dropping the ball and panicking. Go back to making GREAT products. Not everything has to be so thin that it requires new engineering feats just to work normally. I’ll gladly sacrifice my dividend as a shareholder if it means you’ll reaffirm your commitment to greatness instead of nonsense.

Oh, hey, while I’m at it. Why is it, on Windows, I can do “split screen” windows by DRAGGING-AND-DROPPING the windows to their positions and, on macOS, I have to make sure a setting is on in System Preferences first, followed by clicking and holding the green button, dragging to a side, followed by finding the other window to take the other side… but then if I close a window, the one window is full screen only…. Sounds like Microsoft trumped you on your own ability for drag-and-drop ease-of-use. Fix that.

Sincerely,

Angry-but-still-Apple-faithful-for-now

16bpb3FBFbSvfsvXKabf7C4Zwwgwpkc4vn – Bitcoin accepted to help me buy a new MBP one day. 😛

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Internet Troll or IT Imbecile

Ritika Tiwari is my latest target of “taking to task.” We will look at her latest article – 15 reasons MacBooks are overrated – and not only pick it apart, but show you why this girl is no longer working in IT and pretending to write about it. Ready?

15) Ridiculously Overpriced – while I admit that this round of MBPs does carry a higher-than-usual price tag for Macs, MacBooks are rarely overpriced for what they bring to the table. Yes, you can get some cheap Windows PCs, but those cheap PCs come with Celerons, Pentiums, i3s, and AMDs. Most of those selections are pure garbage.

14) You cannot customize it – Partially true. There are a lot less customization options, but it keeps the choice simple. This has always been the case.

13) Directly copied from Linux – Now we have reached Ritika’s first 1337 retard moment. Best to just read this and this. Not only was OS X not just some “copied Linux,” but as of 10.5, was a certified and true UNIX box. OS X was fully Unix. Linux is still Linux. Fun to see pretend “l337” techs who had to “quit” the tech world to become a freelance writer. I suspect it’s more because she’s an idiot.

12) There is no right click – This wasn’t true BEFORE OS X, and is even less so now. Ways to right-click include: Right-click on a mouse, Control-click, two-finger click on a trackpad, and even setting the right-side of the track pad to be a right-click. So, Ritika once again displays her ability to super-size fries better than knowing actual tech information. Not all the same options from Windows exist in the contextual menus, but right-clicking is as present as ever. Ritika, you’re just an idiot.

11) Macintosh Finder could learn a thing or two from explorer – This idiot is claiming you can’t resize windows by any corner or edge. macOS has been doing that for many versions now. That excuse is long over, dummy. She also said maximize is not available. You DO KNOW we’re up to 10.12, don’t you? Full screen has been available for a few versions now. You’re really stupid and/or woefully behind for someone claiming to be on top of tech. By the way, dummy, Windows still can’t rename a file or move it while it’s open, and Mac has been able to do that for decades. Didn’t you JUST get copy and paste in the command window for Windows 10?

10) You cannot choose between the hardware and the software – Sure you can. If I want macOS, I get a Mac. Oh, but guess what? I can also run Linux and Windows on it. Looks like I get lots of choices on a Mac.

9) Getting a MacBook repaired is a pain itself – Not really. You might not be able to do it yourself these days, but Apple Stores and authorized repair centers are everywhere. Perhaps you didn’t know this, dummy, but people with Windows laptops are also taking theirs to repair centers. They aren’t doing it themselves, either.

8) MacBooks are a marketing gimmick – No, they’re ahead of the curve. Sleek. Thin. Some are fanless. Using new tech. Current ports. Anyone who has used HP for the better part of 2 decades knows the quality (or lack thereof) of HP devices.

7) No SD card slot – True. Not anymore. I’ve used the card slot maybe 5 times in 7 years, across two MacBook Pros. Not exactly being used by everybody.

6) No cheap OEM versions available like Windows – Hey, stupid. You’re really letting your ignorance shine. macOS has been free for YEARS now. Free. That’s $0, like how much you get paid to still work in IT.

5) Macs are not immune to viruses – yes they are, stupid. So far, all malware is still in the form of trojans. You can’t get my Mac to self-infect and self-propogate, thus you need me to stupidly install something. While that is malware, that’s not a virus. Conversely, Windows can still get infected simply by visiting the internet.

4) You have to dig really deep for freeware – Boy, you really are an IT reject. There’s so much free stuff on Mac, both from Apple, as well as third party and open source stuff found on all platforms. I realize that I’m feeding the troll by responding, but at least everyone can know, when they Google the name “Ritika Tiwari,” they’ll find this blog and what a fuck-nut you are. Your article is also archived so you can’t claim to not have ever written it.

3) Most users have MacBooks to run non-Apple software – Another dumb statement from everyone’s favorite fry girl. While we *can* run non-Apple software, we run mostly Mac software. You really are a troll. Or stupid. Or both. I’d like my fries supersized, Ritika. Can you at least get that right?

2) Delete key doesn’t delete files – true. Wow. Throw enough shit against the wall, something’s gotta stick. Oh, but I can right-click and delete it. Dummy.

1) MacBook isn’t built for gamers – true. Hardcore, high end games are written for Windows. Buying a MacBook for high end gaming means you did “Ritika” research before buying.

Ritika, I’ll be keeping an eye on your stuff. I’m curious just how dumb you actually are.

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University Herald – Tech Morons

MacBook Pro 2017 To Go Beyond Faster Chips And More Storage; Apple To Redefine Pro Brand (and just in case Lucy edits her post to claim she never made these stupid statements).

Want to see an article that is either computer-generated or written by a tech moron? Look no further than an idiot named Lucy McClaren.

Hey, but let’s not make blanket “she’s a moron” statements. Let’s get into it. Ready?

Moreover, the newest Pro laptop will also have a beefier storage far from its measly 16GB of RAM.

Moron statement: She compares storage to RAM, thus showing she doesn’t know what the fuck she is talking about.

The Cupertino giant is no longer using an ARM processor, which was also speculated to address battery draining issues on the laptop.

Moron statement: Macs NEVER had ARM processors in them. To be fair, the Touch Bar version does have an ARM processor but, since Apple has been steadily working on the battery issue without making ARM processors disappear magically, Lucy is just talking out her ass.

Moreover, the Touch Bar will also get more support and not just relegated to a gimmicky move by Apple as it was once thought of during its introduction.

Moron statement: Didn’t Lucy “The Fucktard” McClaren JUST SAY that ARM processors are no longer used? Well, dummy, the ARM processor is used for the Touch Bar, which is running a variant of iOS.

However, Apple needs to do more than just optimizing speed, memory, and storage for the MacBook Pro 2017 lineup to live up to its name. In the past, high-end devices always have its distinguishing mark that separates it from devices deemed just “good enough” like the GPS feature when it was first introduced.

Moron statement: GPS? The Macs have GPS? If not, why even reference it as it being a distinguishing feature for Macs? Or, if you’re referencing iPhones getting GPS… oh, wait. They always had it. Are you referring the the Apple Watch, S2, which just got standalone GPS? What the fuck does this have to do with Macs, Lucy McTarded?

However, consumers deserve to have more than just the fastest chips and better storage on the new MacBook Pro 2017 particularly with the current pricing on the laptop.

Moron statement: Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. There you go mentioning storage again. Not one complaint has ever been about storage. Storage is NOT RAM. Stop discussing tech. You sound like a complete idiot.

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Nintendo – Run by idiots.

Wooooo! Super Mario Run!! Remember this announcement? I was sold without even knowing the price. Having an official Super Mario game was pretty much a no-brainer for me.

Some weeks back, I remember the date and price finally being revealed – $9.99 on 12-15-2016.

This was a definite purchase for me. Sure, the game mechanics would have taken a bit to learn, but I trust Nintendo to make good games.

Here we are – 12-9-2016 – and I have learned some disturbing news about the game that now kills any chance of me buying it. Super Mario Run requires an internet connection at all times to play. No internet connect… no play. What does this mean?

  • No playing the game on an iPad (without cellular) in the car.
  • No playing the game on an iPhone on the subway, potentially.
  • Super Mario Run will be kind enough to use your data plan for you when you’re not in wifi range.

That news comes from an interview with Nintendo creative director Shigeru Miyamoto conducted by Mashable’s Adam Rosenberg. “For us, we view our software as being a very important asset for us,” Miyamoto told Mashable. “And also for consumers who are purchasing the game, we want to make sure that we’re able to offer it to them in a way that the software is secure, and that they’re able to play it in a stable environment.”

Business Insider

Anyone who thinks that this is a way to offer us secure software on iOS either doesn’t understand iOS (very likely the issue) or wants to pretend they’re doing us a favor (also very likely).

Nintendo, you’re obviously run by idiots who don’t understand mobile, and this revolution started 10 years ago with the original iPhone. When you get your heads out of your asses and decide to make the game work offline, I’ll buy. Until then, it remains clear why you’re the also-ran behind XBox and Playstation.

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Judging a book by its cover… again.

What’s Really Missing From the New iPhone: Cutting-Edge Design

So, it seems that Farhad Manjoo has proven he’s a guy who judges a book by its cover. Even more so, he proves he’s a “tech guy” impressed by looks rather than technology, immediately discrediting him as a subject matter expert who deserves to write about it. Let’s dissect his nonsense.

Apple has squandered its once-commanding lead in hardware and software design. Though the new iPhones include several new features, including water resistance and upgraded cameras, they look pretty much the same as the old ones. The new Apple Watch does too. And as competitors have borrowed and even begun to surpass Apple’s best designs, what was iconic about the company’s phones, computers, tablets and other products has come to seem generic.

Right off the bat, Farhad is disappointed because Apple didn’t make a phone that looks like a sphere or pyramid. How many changes do you want, Farhad? They look similar to the iPhone 6s but, come on, the hardware itself has been upgraded substantially. You’re the kind of fool who would be happy it the iPhone 7 retained an A9 chip and, instead, had icons that looked like it was out of a circus. Because, to you, a visual change like circus icons, is a real change. Something you can show to your friends.

I will defer to John Gruber’s article, since he responds in a much less inflammatory tone than I typically do *and* he has covered pretty much all angles.

I will end with this, though. You know how, from Windows XP to Windows Vista to Windows 7 to Windows 8 to Windows 10, you saw drastic changes to the APPEARANCE of Windows? That’s to soothe fools like Farhad who need to SEE change in order to believe it. And let’s face it, Microsoft ensured people saw changed by:

  • Counting to 10 by starting at 7 and skipping 9.
  • Every version of Windows looks drastically different.
  • Removed features, like a start menu and windowed-windows, the latter being a staple of a windows-based GUI
  • NEW FEATURES!!!!111 A start menu and windowed windows.

Farhad is like so many other anti-Apple people. New CPU/GPU advancements be damned – make the phone explode like Samsung or it’s not innovative.

Good job, New York Times. I will forever see you as hiring retards for tech writers.

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